Soul Craving

[The following was written in response to Dustin Williams' Facebook Note "loneliness."]

I have to admit that I am not the poster child for loneliness. I’m one of those introverts who actually has to work at being a people person, and derives great pleasure from spending time immersed in books, thoughts, and reflection. But I don’t believe anyone, introvert or not, is exempt from the silent pain of feeling forsaken and forgotten even in the midst of crowds of people.

Probably my worst experience with loneliness came when I moved to Chicago to begin studying at seminary in a new urban environment while leaving behind a fiancée to finish her degree in West Virginia. This translated into 500 miles of separation between my best friend and soon-to-be wife for practically the entire duration of our engagement—one very troubling year. So while Elizabeth planned the wedding, and clung to my weekly phone calls, I tried to bury myself in my studies and hide from the horrific volume of husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend couples which surrounded me.

I remember sinking into a semi-depressive funk during a weekend retreat in Wisconsin. The seminary required this beginning of the year retreat for all students to spend time at a camp, getting to know one another, growing in community, and preparing our minds for the smorgasbord of life-altering learning in the semester to come. In one sense, every conversation with others during that first retreat ignited a flame within me as I realized how much of God they had and how little of Him I possessed; however, the funk crept in as I also realized how much of each other they enjoyed (husbands with wives, friends with friends), and I stood longing on the outside for my best friend to be with me. The idiocy of it all stunned me. How can you be so happy and so perplexingly dismal at the same time? I was on a spiritual high and low simultaneously. I wish I could say that I grew in the midst of it and walked away a changed person, but that did not come until much later. I walked away from the spiritual high, transformed and ever growing in my appreciation for people who are in love with Jesus as well as a love for Jesus Himself. However, I also walked away sulky, continuing to wallow in loneliness.

Since then, I’ve come to learn a few things about loneliness. I’ve shared a little bit of what I’ve learned below.

There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is the very first thing in the history of our planet that God has ever referred to as “not good.” I mean, He speaks galaxies and DNA into existence, creates photons, neurons, and protons, whips out sea anemones, cactuses, Palominos, and bald eagles, and looks around and says, “this is good!” Then He scoops together some dust, and forms a guy, and looks at everything He has created and says, “this is very good!” But when the Creator of the universe takes a look at this guy in his private little world of me, myself, and I, He says, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Genesis 2:18). So He basically creates the first community and first marriage and first “we,” by putting His best work into a counterpart, a helper, a support, a female to complement and be with the guy, to eliminate the badness of being alone, and create the wonder of togetherness. Being together is good! Being alone is not!

But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Being alone is bad. We introverts can do it for a little bit, but long extended periods of time of being alone is inhuman. It’s wrong. It’s bad. It’s not healthy. God sees being alone as an incomplete human experience. We need each other.

However, you can be lonely even when people are around, and that’s what I felt when I was immersed in biblical community in Wisconsin while Elizabeth was 500 miles away. Loneliness can stretch even deeper than this. Even now with Elizabeth by my side every single day as my wife, it is possible for loneliness to rear its ugly head. Loneliness is different than being alone.

I believe loneliness is a tool God uses to make us realize a need. It’s like any other pain; it’s an indicator that something in the world (or our bodies) is not right and needs to be made better. Band-aids and Advils will not do the trick. They’ll just mask the problem. Loneliness is like the little indicator light on your dash that you ignore because you don’t understand the acronym (what does check “EGR” mean??), and your car’s manual is buried somewhere in the glove compartment underneath a ton of other documents and junk which you never consult. So you put tape over the little LED display and hope it fixes whatever root problem is buried beneath the hood of the car.

Loneliness is a craving for fellowship of the soul. To know and be known on the deepest and most transparent of levels. And in spite of the claims of millions of ballads and love songs, companionship with another human being will not satisfy this craving. I love my wife. She is the most satisfying woman and companion to have ever graced this earth, but she cannot and will not ever satisfy the craving. Someone once described the craving like this: “Some wandered in desert wastes, finding no way to a city to dwell in; hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted within them.” Then the writer described the soul satisfaction he longed for: “Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He led them by a straight way till they reached a city to dwell in. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wondrous works to the children of man! For he satisfies the longing soul, and the hungry soul he fills with good things” (Psalm 107:4-9).

For those of you who have been trapped in churchianity for over a decade, this is not the proverbial “Sunday School answer.” I have not really begun to grasp the craving of the soul and the satisfaction of God until only recently, and I believe it is far more relevant to our loneliness than those who have been gorged on pat answers might think.

How often have you stared loneliness, not aloneness, but loneliness, in the face, and actually begged God from the depths of your heart to satisfy your longing? I can’t say that I have always believed God could satisfy such a craving early in my relationship with Him. He was just a Savior who gave me a Heaven; not a glorious soul satisfaction to treasure.

"Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; bring me out of my distresses. Consider my affliction and my trouble, and forgive all my sins." (Psalm 25:16-18)

My God was too little and too trite. Similar to something you might pick up at the dollar store or the clearance rack, He wasn’t something to get excited about. And so when the craving made itself known, I was not quick to run to Him for satisfaction.

“My spirit faints within me; my heart within me is appalled. I remember the days of old; I meditate on all that you have done; I ponder the work of your hands. I stretch out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land. Answer me quickly, O Lord! My spirit fails! Hide not your face from me, lest I be like those who go down to the pit. Let me hear in the morning of your steadfast love, for in you I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul." (David, Psalm 143:4-8)

Quite honestly, I do not think I was believing in the same God as David. Somewhere in my walk; however, the truth of God’s value and worth not only to my eternal destiny but to my soul’s satisfaction and present reality began to dawn, and though I can’t say I fully treasure Him for His worth now, I do now see that He can fully satisfy the soul craving.

One guy put it this way: “Behold, the hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each to his own home, and will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone, for the Father is with me" (Jesus, John 16:32). I’m pretty certain that He, the creator of companionship, had the loneliness thing figured out. And yet, Jesus, the God-man, also experienced the ravages of the craving. “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death; remain here, and watch with me...My God, my God, why have you forsaken me [left me alone]?!” (Matthew 26:38; 27:46) He knew the reality of the craving, and He also knew the remedy, the soul satisfaction. He cried out to the source of the satisfaction, but God had left Jesus alone due to our sin being placed on Him at the cross. The man felt true loneliness.

It’s interesting to see what Jesus might have said if he’d had the strength to continue quoting Psalm 22 when He was on the cross. Try reading through it at the bottom of this post, especially if you are currently experiencing the craving. Note who the psalmist is crying out to for fulfillment and soul satisfaction and release from the turmoil of heart.

Loneliness is a craving for fellowship of the soul. And the Creator God is big and good enough to satisfy it. Churchy catch-phrases will not satisfy; nor will the companionship of another. You can’t get the soul satisfaction from anyone or anything other than the One who is infinitely good and satisfying.


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“My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer, and by night, but I find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our fathers trusted; they trusted, and you delivered them. To you they cried and were rescued; in you they trusted and were not put to shame. But I am a worm and not a man, scorned by mankind and despised by the people. All who see me mock me; they make mouths at me; they wag their heads; “He trusts in the Lord; let him deliver him; let him rescue him, for he delights in him!” Yet you are he who took me from the womb; you made me trust you at my mother’s breasts. On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother’s womb you have been my God. Be not far from me, for trouble is near, and there is none to help. Many bulls encompass me; strong bulls of Bashan surround me; they open wide their mouths at me, like a ravening and roaring lion. I am poured out like water, and all my bones are out of joint; my heart is like wax; it is melted within my breast; my strength is dried up like a potsherd, and my tongue sticks to my jaws; you lay me in the dust of death. For dogs encompass me; a company of evildoers encircles me; they have pierced my hands and feet— I can count all my bones— they stare and gloat over me; they divide my garments among them, and for my clothing they cast lots. But you, O Lord, do not be far off! O you my help, come quickly to my aid! Deliver my soul from the sword, my precious life from the power of the dog! Save me from the mouth of the lion! You have rescued me from the horns of the wild oxen! I will tell of your name to my brothers; in the midst of the congregation I will praise you: You who fear the Lord, praise him! All you offspring of Jacob, glorify him, and stand in awe of him, all you offspring of Israel! For he has not despised or abhorred the affliction of the afflicted, and he has not hidden his face from him, but has heard, when he cried to him. From you comes my praise in the great congregation; my vows I will perform before those who fear him. The afflicted shall eat and be satisfied; those who seek him shall praise the Lord! May your hearts live forever! All the ends of the earth shall remember and turn to the Lord, and all the families of the nations shall worship before you. For kingship belongs to the Lord, and he rules over the nations. All the prosperous of the earth eat and worship; before him shall bow all who go down to the dust, even the one who could not keep himself alive. Posterity shall serve him; it shall be told of the Lord to the coming generation; they shall come and proclaim his righteousness to a people yet unborn, that he has done it." (Psalm 22)